A sobering passage from Dostoevsky’s White Nights (Белые ночи):
Чувствуешь, что она наконец устает, истощается в вечном напряжении, эта неистощимая фантазия, потому что ведь мужаешь, выживаешь из прежних своих идеалов: они разбиваются в пыль, в обломки; если ж нет другой жизни, так приходится строить ее из этих же обломков. А между тем чего-то другого просит и хочет душа! И напрасно мечтатель роется, как в золе, в своих старых мечтаниях, ища в этой золе хоть какой-нибудь искорки, чтоб раздуть ее, возобновленным огнем пригреть похолодевшее сердце и воскресить в нем снова все, что было прежде так мило, что трогало душу, что кипятило кровь, что вырывало слезы из глаз и так роскошно обманывало! Знаете ли, Настенька, до чего я дошел? знаете ли, что я уже принужден справлять годовщину своих ощущений, годовщину того, что было прежде так мило, чего в сущности никогда не бывало, – потому что эта годовщина справляется все по тем же глупым, бесплотным мечтаниям, – и делать это, потому что и этих-то глупых мечтаний нет, затем, что нечем их выжить: ведь и мечты выживаются!
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A possible translation:
For, after all, you do grow up, you do outgrow your ideals, which turn to dust and ashes, which are shattered into fragments; and if you have no other life, you just have to build one up out of these fragments. And meanwhile your soul is all the time craving and longing for something else. And in vain does the dreamer rummage about in his old dreams, raking them over as though they were a heap of cinders, looking in these cinders for some spark, however tiny, to fan it into a flame so as to warm his chilled blood by it and revive in it all that he held so dear before, all that touched his heart, that made his blood course through his veins, that drew tears from his eyes, and that so splendidly deceived him! Do you realise, Nastenka, how far things have gone with me? Do you know that I’m forced now to celebrate the anniversary of my own sensations, the anniversary of that which was once so dear to me, but which never really existed? For I keep this anniversary in memory of those empty, foolish dreams! I keep it because even those foolish dreams are no longer there, because I have nothing left with which to replace them, for even dreams, Nastenka, have to be replaced by something!
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Source:
Федор Михайлович Достоевский, Белые ночи, 1848.
Tags: Белые ночи, Федор Достоевский, Foolish Dreams, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Human Condition, Human Nature, White Nights
May 17, 2011 at 15:20 |
White Nights was great!
I have nothing left with which to replace them, for even dreams, Nastenka, have to be replaced by something!
The last line reminds me of a piece that I am not sure you’d like (part 6 below). But it remains to be one of the most remarkable pieces that I came across when I read it.
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How The “TRUE WORLD” Finally Became a Fable.
1. The true world—attainable for the sage, the pious, the virtuous man; he lives in it, he is it.
(The oldest form of the idea, relatively sensible, simple, and persuasive. A circumlocution for the sentence, “I, Plato, am the truth.”)
2. The true world—unattainable for now, but promised for the sage, the pious, the virtuous man (“for the sinner who repents”).
(Progress of the idea: it becomes more subtle, insidious, incomprehensible—it becomes female, it becomes Christian. )
3. The true world—unattainable, indemonstrable, unpromisable; but the very thought of it—a consolation, an obligation, an imperative.
(At bottom, the old sun, but seen through mist and skepticism. The idea has become elusive, pale, Nordic, Königsbergian.)
4. The true world—unattainable? At any rate, unattained. And being unattained, also unknown. Consequently, not consoling, redeeming, or obligating: how could something unknown obligate us?
(Gray morning. The first yawn of reason. The cockcrow of positivism.)
5. The “true” world—an idea which is no longer good for anything, not even obligating—an idea which has become useless and superfluous—consequently, a refuted idea: let us abolish it!
(Bright day; breakfast; return of bon sens and cheerfulness; Plato’s embarrassed blush; pandemonium of all free spirits.)
6. The true world—we have abolished. What world has remained? The apparent one perhaps? But no! With the true world we have also abolished the apparent one.
(Noon; moment of the briefest shadow; end of the longest error; high point of humanity; INCIPIT ZARATHUSTRA.)
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Notes: It is useful to think of this as stages in any progression. ’1′ might be associated with the immature teenager, ’2′ on the first or a string of failures and so on. 3 and 6 are my favourites. This is by Nietzsche btw.
May 17, 2011 at 16:12 |
5. can be thought of roughly as referring to Nihilism inflicted upon after being worn down in 1-2-3-4, but not the Nihilism of Søren Kierkegaard or Schopenhauer (if I can use individuals to express what I mean, I don’t like using “terms”, especially in Philosophy), but something like what Camus talked about. Wherein your cynicism does not induce negativity but rather a true absence of a prior (and thus happiness — “pandemonium of all free spirits”).
6. Is the mobius strip link, it signifies disenchantment with 5. But not a complete return to 1. Maybe resulting in a more diffused world-view, spread across all six.
I rate this second only to the allegory of the cave in generality.
S.
May 24, 2011 at 07:26 |
I like that you posted the original and the translation. My Russian’s a little rusty, so it was helpful to have them both, although the original is far more beautiful.